


luminous beings

by youheldyourbreath



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Star Wars AU, a jedi shall not know anger nor hatred nor LOVE, dark side v light side, they grow up together as padawan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22093186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youheldyourbreath/pseuds/youheldyourbreath
Summary: “There is nothing for you in the darkness! Only pain. Only misery,” he beseeches her.Her eyes flash with acute pain, “I found only pain and misery in the light. You made sure of that.”Her words cut him and he lets his guard down. MJ uses his weakness to propel him back with the force. And he falls to his knees, awaiting his certain execution. She holds him down with a force grip and parades over to him with her lightsaber held firm in her grip. He tilts his chin up to look at her, “Do it. End it.”Her palm twitches and for a moment he believes she really will run him through. She believes it, too. She raises her lightsaber, aimed to strike. He does not close his eyes. He looks up at her. If he is to die he will do it with his eyes wide open.Yet, they do not stare at each other or glare…they gaze.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 16
Kudos: 83





	luminous beings

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic in 2017 and put it on tumblr WEEEEELLL before TLJ came out. now that TROS is out, I am deeeeeeeply in my star wars feelings. so I figured I would post this here. I am a huge fan of the decanonized EU star wars stories. so this was my love letter to that verse. I hope you enjoy it!!!
> 
> now lets go hang out in a galaxy far far away!!!

The End: 

He is trying to kill her when it happens. With a whoosh, the vacuum of the force sucks the world away and, with a bang, a galactic supernova, the bond crackles to life between them. Where his mind was once his, she now lives. He can hear her thoughts, like a static thrum, in his head as if she were whispering in his ear.

It is not the most convenient time for a force bond to spring to life. 

He has his lightsaber overhead waiting to swing down and strike, to end her once and for all, but he hesitates. He cannot focus for all the dizzying, world-altering life that now pulses between them. The green hue of his lightsaber casts shadows on her face and she grins.

She kicks her foot up and he eats Bantha shit. Peter scrambles for his weapon, too late, shooting his hand out for the force to aid him, but when the lightsaber guides into his hand she is already fleeing toward her ship. He curses, pushes himself off of the ground and takes off as quickly as his feet will travel. He runs through the dense forest, dodging trees that seem to exist just to inconvenience the young Jedi Knight, to get to her in time, but he doesn’t.

Her ship lifts off the ground and she blows him a mocking kiss as her ship doors close.

Peter disengages his lightsaber. And, for the first time, he hears her voice in his head, chiding, _Don’t hesitate next time, Jidai._

* * *

Illum, In the Time Before: 

Illum is colder than Coruscant. Peter does not like the cold. He much prefers the bustle of the city and the regulated warmth of the Jedi Temple when he is dropped planet-side with the rest of his initiate class of younglings. He misses the comfort of the Masters. He misses is Aunt and Uncle. 

The twelve year old stubbornly casts aside his thoughts of home. The Jedi do not have room for attachments, and Peter is going to be a Jedi. 

Well, so long as he can find a kriffin' kyber crystal. 

He loses sight of the other Younglings as he starts to traverse the caves on Illum. He supposes it is the will of the force that he ought to complete the Gathering on his own. It is just as well. He does not know the other students very well. He was never very good at making friends. 

As he makes another half-hazard turn down the winding caves, Peter tries to remember what Master Tony told him before he shipped off to complete the ritual on Illum. _Search your feelings, Peter. The caves will go on and on forever. It is easy to get lost. Even for a force-sensitive._

He is not lost, he tells himself. He knows exactly where he is supposed to go. 

Peter starts to feel his blood spike. He is not lost. He is taking a detour.

"Ah!" Someone yelps. 

"AH!" Peter yells back.

"AHHHH!" 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

" **WAIT**. Wait. Wait just a minute." The round Youngling wrapped up to his neck in furs panics. "Why are we yelling?"

Peter covers his racing heart and exhales, "You scared me."

"You yelled!"

"YOU YELLED FIRST!"

There is an awkward beat of silence. And then, the other student extends his hand. His face brightens with a friendly smile. "I'm Ned." 

Peter chews on his lip and introduces himself, "I'm Peter."

Ned nods, "Oh, I know. You're from The Mid Rim. Parker, right?" It is Peter's turn to nod. Satisfied, Ned says, "Wanna find our kyber crystals together?" 

And Peter finds he really, really does. Illum is cold. He could use a friend. 

The two boys navigate the caves together, working together to navigate what feels endless. Peter does not know if they will even find kyber crystals and become official Padawan, but being with Ned makes the possibility easier to swallow. As the hours pass, they start to talk-- Peter learns Ned has a barking laugh-- and he forgets the cold. 

He is laughing at Ned's impression of Master Bruce when the force calls to him. It turns his head. He swats at his ear and the buzzing in his ear begins to grow. The familiar ringing of the force, whispering to him, has never been so strong and, without explanation, he begins to follow it. Ned tramples after him, clipping at his heels.

The caves wind, but it does not feel endless, now. No, it feels like fate. He knows his feet will take him where he is supposed to go. Right to the end. The whisper harmonizes, whirls and pulses, and suddenly flashes out like a light. He is left disoriented and confused. Ned is at his side, asking after his new friend, but Peter can barely focus. The force is an intense master. He feels bereft and cracked.

When his eyes finally clear, he sees a girl. She is trying to hack away at the ice to get the purple crystal trapped beneath the mirrored freeze. Peter remains frozen. Ned coughs. She turns around, looking wild. “This crystal is mine,” she sneers at them.

Ned’s eyes widen and he stutters, "W-we weren’t going to take it.”

The same harmony of the force from before rings in Peter’s ear again and he says simply, “We can help you.”

She eyes him skeptically, searching him for some fault, but something passes through her, too. Maybe the force. After all, Peter reasons, they are all servants of Its will. She tuts, but allows them to help. As a threesome, they free her crystal.

Only when it is free does she quietly reveal herself. "My name's Michelle. But...my friends call me MJ." 

* * *

The End: 

Exhausted, Peter climbs aboard his ship. In the cockpit, Ned waits, expectantly. He takes one good look at his best friend and utters the lost name between them, “MJ?”

Peter cannot endure the pain that roars to life within him. He stiffly shakes his head and flings himself into the pilot's seat, breaking them into the atmosphere and pushing them into hyperspace.

Master Tony is waiting on the steps, when they arrive at the Jedi Temple, and he does not exhaust with niceties before he asks, "Well?”

The Two Knights bow and Peter admits, "She escaped." 

Master Tony nods, and Peter suspects he had expected as much. "I see," he still hums, graciously. "And the relic?" 

Ned drops his eyes to the ground. Peter sighs. He failed. He suspects Master Tony knows that, too. Their mission was to make planet fall on an Outer Rim territory planet and obtain an old Sith Relic to keep it out of the clutches of their enemies. It was tantamount that he and Ned not fail. He had the Sith Relic. It had been in his grasp when she had arrived in the same flurry she had entered his life. 

He remembered the wild look in her eye on Illum. It felt like a lifetime ago. 

Master Tony sighs, "Ned. Find Master Vision. Debrief with the Council. I will be there shortly. Peter. Walk with me." 

The Master and his Apprentice walk in silence through the gardens at The Temple. Peter feels the grimes from his mission caught under his fingernails and caking at his scalp. He nearly asks to be excused to find the nearest 'fresher but Master Tony stops by a deep, red flower. He bends over and takes a long inhale of the plant. 

"Master--" 

“I sense more happened on this mission, Peter. And if I sense it, the Council will, too." 

His Master does not ask him directly. He waits. Peter rests his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber. If he meditates, he can almost hear the thrumming of the kyber crystal he had found with her on Illum within. The kyber crystal is the heart of the blade. And the blade is the heart of the Jedi. She was always going to be with him. From the very beginning. 

"I heard her voice in my head, Master." 

Tony waters the flower, “Are you certain?”

“Yes, Master. I was about to end it. I heard her voice say my name clear as a bell in my head. And I heard it, again, as she fled to her ship."

"And you're certain you're not letting past entanglements cloud your judgment." His Master's voice is calm but Peter hears the accusation underneath. He cannot wash away the time before. Everyone remembers every moment. The temple burning. Her defection. 

He cannot lock away the memory that flashes in his head. A purple lightsaber. Ember eyes. A voice. _"Peace is a lie. There is only passion."_

"This has nothing to do with the past." 

Tony lowers the circular, blue watering jug. "I believe you can hear her voice. But you are wrong. This has everything to do with the past." 

* * *

Coruscant, In the Time Before She Fell: 

Training is really, _really_ hard. He gulps down some caf and tries to catch his breath. It is in his learned opinion that thirteen year olds should not be given deadly weapons and thrown into potentially deadly sparing matches with one another. However, alas, he glances at Michelle who is whirling around in the middle of the training room, this is the way of the Jedi. 

For all of his complaining, Peter likes training. He knows the Jedi should not indulge in vanity, but he has some talent in combat. While Ned opts to learn Shii-Cho, the most basic and original form of lightsaber combat, Peter tests all seven. His friend does not need to be a well-practiced fighter. He is hoping to parlay his training into becoming a Keeper of the Jedi Texts. He would rather serve the galaxy in other ways beyond battle. 

Yet, Peter longs to be a Knight. He wants to serve the Jedi Order and the galaxy. And so, he studies and toils and fights. His greatest strength is the force and so, Master Tony suggests he learn Niman. It is a combination of all of the fighting styles, melded together to compliment the force. Instead of winning by his blade, he throws an enemy across the room or disarms them. Peter believes his lightsaber can only be a saber. The force is the real weapon. And the force is strong with Peter. 

He follows MJ with his eye, as she yells something guttural and attacks the poor Padawan paired with her for training. She leans toward Vaapad. It is the most furious, unrelenting and chaotic form. It channels emotion, acting as a conduit so that opponents feel their negative energy pushed back at them. The other Padawan falters and yields to MJ's lightsaber. But Vaapad dances with the Dark side, and, therefore, it is highly discouraged. Michelle helps the Padawan to their feet. She is smiling. 

Peter cannot help but smile, too. 

She catches his staring and points her lightsaber in his direction. He nods, accepting her challenge, and jerks back the rest of his caf. He ignites his lightsaber when he steps into the middle of the room. He nods. She stares. And their lightsabers collide. 

It is like a conversation. She pushes, she crashes into him and he absorbs her energy. He uses the force to keep her at arms length. It is a game, youthful and fun, to see who will crack first, if MJ's emotions will get under Peter's skin or if his force shield will frustrated her into yielding. 

Today, she concedes. 

Their Padawan braids are short. They laugh. It is fun, still. 

(But as the years pass and their Padawan braids grow long, there is a shift. Sparing begins to feel like flirting. Their eyes grow bright, and when they bow to begin their next fight, their eyes never leave each other. 

MJ’s mouth turns upward in a smirk and Peter grins large and sloppy. When they spar, they talk, too. They cannot help it. Things like, "You're pulling your swings, Parker" or "Vaapad doesn't work when you're tired, MJ" or "I've seen Ned fight better than you, Peter". It is sweet. It is dangerous. The world has ended a hundred times over because a Jedi warrior has leaned into affection.) 

* * *

The End: 

Peter raises an eyebrow as Tony clips the red flower, killing it. "I believe what you experienced was a force-bond. In the Old Republic this bond, a rare gift, was used so masters and apprentices could communicate on the battlefield. It was a tactical gift of the force. It was also a gift between force-sensitive lovers." 

And that word sends Peter into a spiral of shame. 

He remembers why she defected. He remembers sneaking kisses in dark corners. He remembers being caught and how she wanted to leave the order with him, pleading for him to live an ordinary life with her over an extraordinary life with the Jedi Order. He remembers picking the Jedi over her. He remembers her leaving the Jedi Temple. He cannot forget when she returned and how the Temple burned. 

Peter beseeches his Master, "Why now? Why then? Why didn't it manifest before?" 

"You said you nearly killed her. She was under duress. You were likely hesitating. The bond is not a science, Peter. It is the force. We are merely servants of Its will. We cannot begin to guess how or why it works when it does." 

"What should I do?" 

Tony crumples the red flower in his hand. "I will meditate on this. Until then, do your best to keep her out of your mind. She is a temptation for you, Peter, and temptation is a path to the Dark side." 

* * *

Jedha, In the Time Before She Fell: 

Peter knows Ned thinks it is silly, but he likes sparring with MJ. It feels as easy as breathing. It is fun. _Besides_ , he assures his friend one day, _we take care of each other better on missions when we've practiced._

And he is right. On off-world missions, they fight more fiercely and better when they are back to back. MJ catches his blind spots and Peter keeps her centered on the battlefield when her temper spikes. She so often slips in the heat of battle. 

He would never tell Ned, but he also feels the most free when the two of them are locked back to back in the middle of the chaos in some battle off-world. Because no one can hear him flirt with her over the sound of canon fire. 

It is just like that when they are locked back to back, pinned down by enemy forces, in a battle on Jedha. He can hear her whooping laugh every time she destroys a droid. His own mouth quirks with a smile, her laughter somehow radiating through his chest beneath his robes. 

He grows sloppy, delighted even, and he fails to cover her when a blaster knicks MJ in the shoulder. She whimpers in pain and stumbles back into him. Peter manages to turn just in time to catch her in his arms and he swears, if only for a moment, her eyes flash ember. He hastens to collect her whirling thoughts and whispers against her brow, "Peace, MJ. Find your peace." 

The young apprentice is not certain he has gotten to his friend, but he needs her to rally. The enemy is not idle. Blaster fire comes at them from every angle and he can only keep them at bay with the force for so long. 

She must sense his distress because, like the warrior he knows she is, with the help of Peter, MJ pulls herself to her feet and she returns to his back, fighting like a hurricane on one of the Typhoon planets beyond the Mists. He is so stunned he misses when a droid nearly takes him arm off. Michelle quips over her shoulder, breathing right into his ear, which makes him shiver, "You need to anticipate better." 

He grounds his teeth, "I had that under control." 

"That droid nearly lopped your arm off." 

"I had that under control," he repeats. And, as if to prove his point, he throws a line of troopers back with the force. 

He can hear the smirk in her voice when she comments, "Show off." 

The tide of the battle finally turns when reinforcements drop down. From there, the fighting is quickly over. Older, more practiced Jedi Masters make better work of enemies than mere Apprentices. 

Still, they are asked to debrief on the battlefield, via holo, to the Council when the fighting is done. They stand side-by-side, their shoulders _just_ brushing. The Council notices. Peter realizes the moment they do when Master Tony's mouth falls into a frown. He tries to create distance between MJ and him, but it is too late. The damage is done. 

When they return to Coruscant that night, his Master takes Peter for a walk. He informs his young apprentice that the Council has decided to separate Peter and MJ on all upcoming missions. "Affection is common among teenagers. So long as it is stopped now, it will never be a problem."

* * *

The End: 

Ned plops beside Peter in the Mess Hall of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and Peter tries not to look as weary as he feels. From the look his old friend is giving him, he is failing. Peter pours himself another glass of caf when Ned whispers, “I heard Master Tony and Master Steve talking. A force-bond?” 

Peter hisses, “Keep your voice down, Ned." But the Jedi Temple is a different place since the Darksider Siege. News travels fast when there are less Jedi for it to pass through. If Ned overheard the Masters then doubtlessly the other Jedi knew, too. 

“But, that’s like, that’s like serious force stuff." Ned exhales, "As if you and MJ weren’t complicated enough.” 

“I’m a Jedi,” Peter says.

"I know," Ned graciously grants him. "I know. But. Are you?" 

It is that stupid question that keeps him awake all night. And that is how she finds him, sneaking into his head and purring, _You awake, Woyunoks?_ Peter recoils. Sith Speak has always sounded like seduction to Peter. He wonders if that is why it is called being seduced to the Dark Side. The very words that spill out in MJ’s raspy tone could be his damnation.

He spins over in his bed, urgent to block her out, and sends her a message of his own, _I have nothing to say to you, Darksider._

All goes quiet. And for a merciful moment, he believes she may be gone but, then, her voice echoes in his head, _You once did_. 

It is an assault on his senses, when she is suddenly carding through his memories. She pulls forth precious memories of the two of them that he has locked away in order to keep on the Jedi path. He sees it all and he can sense she watches, too. There are quiet, heady afternoons in the cabin of his ship on missions when they were tangled up in bed. There are flashes of battles, like Jedha, when they fought as a team back to back in battle. He sees them as children mastering levitating objects. He sees every beautiful memory of them and his head aches. 

_STOP_ , he yells through the bond. 

It halts. 

_I missed you_ , she admits in the safety of the bond. If he pretends, he can almost feel her phantom hand touching his back in the soothing way she used to touch him.

He mourns her, _Y_ _ou defected. You abandoned everything we knew_. 

And through the bond he can feel how sharp her response is, _You abandoned me first_.

He tries to explain, _I_ _n another life I would have run away with you. But I have a responsibility. I am a Jedi, a man of our Holy Order._

_You are no Jedi. You are a boy afraid to love_. _A_ _nd I crush boys on the battlefield._

_I_ _t is never to late to come back to the light_ , he pleads.

He can almost see her, in her dark chamber, sitting on her bed, _I_ _t is too late, Peter. Far too late for me._

* * *

In and Amongst the Stars, In the Time Before She Fell: 

He loathes being kept apart. It only makes him miss her more. He knows the Masters are trying to teach him something, but it is very hard to care when he misses MJ like an open wound. The two still see each other when he is planet fall on Coruscant, but he finds he is being stationed at The Jedi Temple less and less these days. 

Being systems away from his best friend is too horrible for words. 

In the cabin of the ship he is on for his most recent mission, he calls Ned on a holopad. The blue, translucent figure of his friend springs to life in the room. Ned dashes a fine, bright smile. "Peter. What do you need?" 

"Ned, I'm looking for some reference to a force nexus on Yavin VI. Could you look into that for..." He hopelessly trails off. Just beyond Ned's clearer image, there is a flash of MJ. She is standing behind Ned, her saber hanging loosely at her hip, with her nose stuck in a book. The silence peaks her interest and she looks up. He is struck by how rumpled she appears, as if she has just woken up and toddled down to the library to bother Ned about a Jedi text or other. She steals his breath away. Because he is seventeen and she is beautiful. 

Ned raises his eyebrow, "Peter?" 

"Sorry," he shakes his head, willing away his gobsmacked expression. "Yes. So. Yavin VI. Force nexus." 

"I don't know off the top of my head, but I'll look." Ned clicks off and the two blue figures disappear. Peter longs for MJ long after the holo is disconnected. 

* * *

The End: 

He learns he is not strong. He has spent so long, too long, preparing to defeat MJ since she defected, but now that she is in his every thought, he does not wish her away. Peter fights for a time, calling her every manner of name in the book for Darksider. Yet, their bond is a comfort to him. It is as if he never lost her. 

He knows the Council suspects he has not shut the bond out like he should. He knows he is being watched like he may decide to join the Dark side. Peter knows in his heart he wants nothing from the Dark Side. 

Only MJ. 

Which is perhaps why everyone looks so worried. 

He grows so used to her voice in his heart that he falters when he sees her in-person at the battle of Florrum. 

Before he sees MJ, again, Peter watches Tony get cut down where he stands when Darth Toomes swings his red saber down in a fatal strike. It is too horrible to fathom, but he does not have time to mourn the dead in the heat of battle. There will be time after to celebrate Tony’s life and the journey he now takes beyond the world of the living. _There is no death_ , Peter reminds himself, _there is only the force_.

He stands stupefied for only a minute, watching after where Tony once stood, before the leader of the legion of Sith, Thanos, pursues Peter across the battlefield with childish glee. He can feel the taunting hum of the force as Thanos remains just on his heals, nearly catching him with the lick of his red lightsaber. He spots his salvation—a cliff—and Peter settles his raising heart into a well of peace. He jumps.

The fall is long and the wind whips and cuts at his face as he goes down, down, down. He braces for impact and it comes as he splashes into the water below. Peter is not expecting the water and so he gasps, swallowing down buckets of water that chokes him. He kicks against the tide and tries to break the surface. He sinks further down.

The panic settles in thick and dark; yet, just before he succumbs to death and darkness, he feels his body being dragged to the world above. He sputters when the air hits his lungs and is too woozy to properly feel the pair of hands wrapped around his middle, dragging him to shore. When he hits the mineral shore, the smell of salt too intense to really process, he gags up all of the water in his lungs. Soothing hands rub up and down his back.

“That’s it,” a rough and sultry voice commands harshly, “Breathe, damn it.” He does.

His savior shocks him and even though her hair is pressed down around her face with droplets of water, her face is the same as he remembers. Save one thing. “Michelle,” he whispers.

She flinches, like her name is a wound from her old life that refuses to heal. “Don’t,” she warns.

He cannot stop his longing heart. “Why. Why did you save me?”

Her answer is as blunt as her eyes are angry and sharp, “You will not die today, Peter Parker. I will decide the time and place.”

Peter remembers, then, that this is a war. She is not his ally. They will not fight back to back. Too late, he fumbles to stand but he is still too weak and winded from the fall and the water. His hand lamely reaches for the hilt of his lightsaber but she uses the force to flick it away from his reach. He braces for some kind of strike that is sure to follow but she does not act. Instead, she surprises him with something far more tender than he is sure he deserves.

She touches his face and runs her thumb across the cut on his cheek. “You idiot,” she whispers and he is almost tempted to close his eyes and pretend they are the same two kids that grew up on Coruscant together. In his dreams, she is still his sparring partner and she still kisses him in that wild, abandoned way she first had in hyperspace. The world was once limitless and sweet. Order and duty has stripped his world of its beauty and drove her away.

Peter knows he should resist but, just like their bond, he leans into it and she shivers from something that is not the cold of the salty shore. “Peter,” she says, broken and covetous.

“It’s not too late,” he turns his nose into her palm and nuzzles the skin there. “You can always come back.”

“Don’t,” she pleads. “There is nothing for me in the light.”

“I am nothing?” he counters, strong and sure.

“I can’t have you,” Michelle pulls herself to her feet, putting more and more distance between them. Peter stands, enchanted, and chases her every step keeping the distance between them less than a breath. She does not meet his eyes, “You chose. Now we both must live with your choices.”

“MJ--“ he reaches a desperate and urgent hand to her waist.

“Don’t,” she heaves a watery breath, “Don’t touch me. Or I’ll lop your hand off. I’ll do it.” He does not remove his hand and the force sings silver tunes. He can hear it ringing in his hears and he knows there is no world where she does not hear the siren call as well.

He speaks between barely parted lips, “You are my every dream.”

“You are my every nightmare,” she shakes.

There is a beat, a moment—precious and fragile—where Peter thinks Michelle may kiss him. Her eyelids flutter and her lips part with a hot exhale against his own. He leans in, longing to break his vows if only for a shinning blip of ecstasy, and then the world around him goes black.

When he wakes up on the shores of Florrum cold and alone he can pretend that Michelle had never been there, had never touched him, had never shaken his world at the foundations. But the force still slightly hums with her signature and his head aches like he had been hit in the temple with the hilt of a lightsaber. Her lightsaber.

He gathers the strength to send out a distress signal to his Jedi comrade. When Ned arrives, he says flatly, “Master Tony is one with the force.”

Peter tries to beat back the loneliness licking at his blood, “I know. I saw it happen.”

Ned nods and thoughtfully adds, “There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death-”

Peter finishes the mantra of the Jedi Code, “- there is the force.” 

* * *

Rishi, In the Time Before She Fell: 

He begins to suspect he is not alone in his desire in the way that only force sensitives can. Peter can sense it. He can sense the conflict mounting in her because he feels it, too. He knows looking at each other becomes less about looking and more about gazing. 

And Peter will not have it. He will not give in. He is an apprentice of the Jedi. He _will_ be a Jedi. He pledged to fight for the galaxy and protect those that cannot protect themselves. He fights for goodness and grace. 

He manages to avoid her for quite some time until a distress call comes in from Rishi. The thick tropical forests of Rishi yield many exports for the galaxy, but, more than the export, there are people that live on Rishi, too; and the distress call says a monster is coming out of the ground and killing its inhabitants. 

The Masters are off world on a diplomatic mission. Most of the adept fighters went with them and, so, Master Tony mournfully selects Peter and MJ to join the small troupe of Jedi heading to Rishi. 

Peter does not speak to MJ the entire journey. He takes his orders with silence and meditates. 

When they arrive on the planet, in the center of what should be the bustle of the main village, the Jedi are met with eerie, sickening silence. "Stay here," Jedi Knight Shuri commands. Peter nods, yanking his lightsaber from his belt, awaiting his next command or an attack. He is poised for battle. He turns to give MJ Shuri's order when he realizes she is gone. 

His heart fucking stops. 

He is eighteen and his heart stops. 

Because they are on a remote planet where a monster is on the lose and she is fucking missing. He does not follow protocol, then. He does not even wait for approval to scout after his missing Jedi comrade. He slinks away from the group and enters the tall trees. 

He allows the force lead him and thinks it is almost like he can hear her voice in his head, whispering _follow me, follow me_. 

He follows the seductive pull of the force until he finds her. She stands, motionless, in the middle of an ashen field, put to fire somehow, and she is standing across from some of the most imposing and terrifying monsters he has ever seen. They look like dark, mangled hounds. The hounds hold no fear for him. It is her voice, the one that is dipped low and speaking in a language that he does not know, that chills him to the bone, “ _Nuyak[Tuk'ata](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fstarwars.wikia.com%2Fwiki%2FTuk%2527ata&t=ZTM1MDE2MDRkYjlhNmMzNjdmYWFlZjI5ODMxYzBhNzVmYjUwYzFlNSxPSTA2Nk1wRQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AsQNcTSo5AZZAajSmHdipow&p=https%3A%2F%2Fspideyxchelle.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165463883574%2Fi-want-it-all-for-that-star-wars-au-first&m=1)?” _And it is the monsters that seem to be entranced. 

Peter is horrified. He knows Sith Speak when he hears it. His voice breaks, "MJ?" 

Her back shutters and whatever spell she was under breaks. She sounds weak, “Peter?” 

And the hounds pounce on them, no longer being held back by MJ’s words and power. There is no time to talk about what just happened, what she just did. Peter hastens to draw his weapon and MJ follows suit. He struggles to cut them down. He knows that they are too much and coming on too fast. Peter can tell they are losing. 

If he is to die, here, today, he wants her to know. "MJ, if we die…I need you to know….” 

She practically shrieks, “You’re not dying on me, you…you…nerf herder.” 

He chokes out a laugh, “I’ll try not to. I promise. But if I do...”

"Don't," she cries. "Please don't." 

He stops trying to tell her, then. He figures she knows. He hopes she does, at least. And only when they are about to lose does the rest of their team break through the trees. It is not an easy victory. It takes all of their combined strength to defeat the Sith Hounds. 

The village is decimated. Shuri is tasked with informing the Masters on the ship, while Peter and MJ are sent off to the 'freshers to clean up and apply from fresh bacta. 

When he is healed, Peter finds MJ in her cabin. 

She barely looks up, as she wraps her arm, covered in another bacta patch. Peter sits beside her and swallows thickly, “Does it hurt?” 

MJ does not look at him. She performatively shrugs, “Ish.” He lifts her forearm to inspect it himself, expecting her to pull away, but she remains still. "Go on," she says, quietly. "Out with it.” 

He does not waste their time playing dumb, “You were speaking…. _S_ _ith_. How?” 

“I don’t know. The animals. Those hounds. They spoke to me. And I spoke back.” 

“What did they say?” he trembles. 

She catches his eyes, “They called me Master.” 

He presses the space between them and kisses her. She squeaks in surprise but melts under his touch. And the Gods that master the universe sigh as the great war gets put in motion with one, innocent kiss. 

When he pulls away, she gawks at him, “What was that for?” 

He kisses her again because now that he has started he is not sure he could ever stop, “Those damned creatures can’t have you. You’re a Jedi." He promises fiercely, "You’re mine.” 

* * *

The End: 

They meet on the battlefield again after Florrum in three moon cycles. There is nothing of the girl on Florrum, the one that held his face and begged him to breathe, in this Sith warrior. MJ looks deadly. Her black robes and cape and the swatched redness of her lips make him tremble. Not with fear. But with something else. 

She senses it and jokes through the bond, _Like what you see?_

Peter activates his lightsaber and lunges at her. 

It is hopeless. They know the other's fighting style too well. After all, the two had learned to be warriors at each other’s back. He anticipates what moves she will make before she even thinks of them and she does the same for him. It does not feel like a fight to the death. No, it feels like flirting.

She ducks free of one of his advances and observes, “You’re pulling your swings, Peter.” 

He scowls, “I haven’t come to talk.” 

“Tell me then,” she preens, “Why have you come?” 

“To end this.” 

She scoffs, “You could no sooner end me than you could yourself. You forget, Peter, I know your mind.” 

“Get out of my head.” 

“Get out of mine,” she counters.

And they throw themselves back into the fray. Their bodies are drenched with sweat, their arms pulsing from exhaustion, their lightsabers connecting over and over again in a dazzling light show of green and red. The world around them need not even exist, he thinks. He knows there are other people fighting on the battlefield, but she is all that matters. 

She is all that has ever mattered from that first wild look she gave him on Illum. 

Their lightsabers cross and get caught in an x. They both are forced to stare at one another as each holds their ground, their lightsabers illuminating the two faces in the darkness.

Peter stares. It has been so long since he has looked at her without the distraction of her counter move coming toward his head. Without the distraction of battle. And, after all these years, she still stares back.

His mind flutters with anxiousness, it surges between them. He knows, in that moment, this war between them ends tonight. One of them will not walk away from this battle. He knows it. 

It brings him some semblance of peace. 

Peter sends soothing words across the bond, _P_ _eace is not a lie_.

And then, he turns off his lightsaber.

* * *

Felucia and The Jedi Temple, In the Time Before She Fell: 

After Florrum, he is completely and irrevocably hers. 

Peter finds it to be thrilling, having a secret that is just theirs. 

He does not try to keep the distance between them, like he once had. They spar together again and go on missions and they sneak kisses when they can. In the empty corridors of the Jedi Temple, MJ likes to find Peter and force push him against the nearest wall to kiss him. He always laughs in surprise and tastes like that laughter. 

Other intimacies follow. It does not take them long to find some alone time in the others bunk. And Peter is not sure how this sort of profound happiness can be a crime. The Jedi are wrong. It is the only time in his life he thinks that thought. And he is ashamed for it. 

Still, they go on a mission to Felucia and steal moments in the overgrown, wild forests. It is on Felucia that they “get lost” for three days, and those three days are the happiest of their young lives. 

Peter whispers to MJ that he loves her in the brush on the second day and she calls him an idiot, but tells him she loves him too the following night. 

He should know what is perfect cannot last. 

Six months, Peter counts. They are happy for six months after Rishi and that first, life-altering kiss. Flash, one of the Padawans from Alderaan, catches them kissing in one of the rarely used mediation rooms nearly six months to the day of that first embrace. 

Peter pulls away, horrified, and scrambles to stop him from telling. “Please, Flash…”

But MJ lashes out with the force, her anger the only emotion he can sense on her, the all-consuming rage. Flash starts to choke and Peter knows that her anger is doing it, wrapping around his throat and squeezing. 

“MJ!” Peter screams. “MJ!” 

Others rush into the room, but Peter does not mind them. He only has eyes for MJ. It is only when Peter grabs MJ by the shoulders and shouts her name in her face does she release Flash. MJ crumples into Peter’s arms and he catches her. He breathes out relief, but he spots Master Tony standing in the gathered crowd. 

The council holds a tribunal where MJ and Peter stand guilty in front of them all. 

Master Tony swings the sentence, “The Jedi do not have romantic relationships. Passion leads to the dark side. To stay on the path of the Jedi you must give up this relationship. Or you must leave. You have twelve hours to decide.” 

Peter feels hollow for a long time after the ultimatum is announced. While MJ is restless. 

She paces back and forth in Peter’s bunk, spiraling out, while he sits defeated on the bed. She is talking out loud for the both of them, but Peter remains silent. “They can’t do this to us," she throws her hands up in the air. "We’ve dedicated our whole lives to this cause. Love doesn’t make us weak. It makes us strong. How dare they. We'll leave. We'll go. We don’t need them.”

His silence is louder than her rant. He knows she senses it. She gnaws on her lip, timid, “Peter?”

He glances up at her, and his eyes have her answer, “I'm a Jedi. I know nothing else.”

She sits beside him and desperately grabs his hands, eyes watering, “You don’t have to know anything. We'll figure it out together. We'll leave here. Live normal lives. I love you.” 

It breaks his heart to pull away from her. “I don’t know anything else. I...I think I need to stay.” Her face falls and he reaches for her, “MJ…” 

“Don’t,” she stands, “You’ve made your choice.” 

“You can stay, you don’t have to go. MJ, please.” 

“ _Jidai,_ ” that raspy seductive voice of the Sith finds her again. “You've made your choice,” she finishes in basic.

He pleads for her to stay, that they will always be friends, that the Jedi need her, but she will not hear it. 

And so, she packs her things and goes. 

He stands alone in front of the Council the next day and Master Tony looks toward the door, expectant, “MJ?”

Peter shakes his head, “Just me.” 

* * *

The End: 

Her eyes widen as she falls forward with her own weapon and it impales him. ****~~~~

He rasps a heavy breath as he dies. He feels the force leaving him, ebbing away with the rest of his life force. 

She shrieks and he feels her scramble to help him, to save him, to do something. But he knows there is nothing to be done. He is lowered to the ground with her aid and he is so glad to be in her arms once more that the pain barely touches him. He waits for her to see it is hopeless. He will die on this battlefield, but he is not afraid. 

“You idiot,” she sobs, “Why did you do that?” 

“You were right,” he rasps, “I couldn’t kill you.” 

She grabs the front of his robes, “Don't you die on me, Parker.” 

He shakes his head, “There is no death, only the force.”

She yells in frustration, “Stop it. Just stop. You're mine. Death isn’t allowed to have you.”

“You can always go back,” he whispers, serenity sweeping over him. “It is never too late.” 

“There can be no peace for me without you.” 

"You must find it,” he shakes his head. “You must.”

It is not hard, he finds, dying. It is as easy as breathing. To stop. 

And without fuss, without pain, he slips into the Netherworld in the arms of the women he loves.

* * *

The Jedi Temple, In the Time After She Falls:

MJ is gone for four months and Peter feels every single one of those days. He tries not to ask the Council about her, if they know where she is, what she is doing, but it is hard to ignore that particular temptation. He can sense only betrayal from her. It is difficult, but he tries not to listen to the force when it comes to her signature. 

Still, MJ is always there, in his mind, like if he just reached out a little more he could talk to her. He knows that notion is ridiculous. The force has limits. 

When he asks the Council, not one members knows anything about her. She has cut herself off completely. It almost like she is dead, Master Vision says, unfeeling, one afternoon.

But she is not. 

Because she returns to the temple with an order of Sith on her heels four months to the day she left him.

And his heart breaks a hundred times over when he sees her in the dark robes with her purple lightsaber at her side. It glows darker now. In some light it looks almost black. 

“MJ,” he mouths, and across the battle at the Temple she snaps her eyes up and sees him. It feels like some distorted version of all of those times they would look at each other across the mat just before they sparred. 

She smirks, but he does not grin like he used to. With too heavy a heart, he lights his lightsaber and joins his Jedi brethren.

The battle does not last long. Both sides lose a few warriors but it becomes apparent this appearance is not to win. It is to show the Jedi that the Sith have returned and that they are strong.

As the Sith fall back, Peter chases them. He cannot stop himself. Others yell for him.

He pursues her. He calls her name. She stalls and turns around. 

And she looks horribly beautiful, like the Netherworld's Queen. He finds darkness drips off of her like Hapan diamonds. She shines. He stops. She blinks. Her ember eyes, the eyes of the Sith, momentarily lighten to her familiar shade. He would never forget the color of her eyes. Ever. 

“MJ, please,” he says, but he’s not sure what he is asking for. 

She lights her lightsaber and strides down the lift. One Knight of the Sith warns her to stop but she uses the force to knock him back. Peter watches, utterly entranced. Until she tries to lop his head off with her saber. He ducks just in time and lights his own. Green and purple clash. 

It is nothing short of horrible. She is using Vaapad form without restraint now, it is now full Sith Joyu form. He does not know how to fight MJ without restraints but he tries. 

Their sabers clash over and over. Purple and Green. Purple and Green. Peter flings his hand out to use the force to knock her over and she throws her hand out in return to block him. Their hands hold firm in the air, pushing the force at each other like a weapon. 

“MJ,” Peter grits through his teeth, sweat dripping off of him. "What have you done?”

Her gloved hand clenches, trying to push him back, “I am embracing my destiny.” 

“There is nothing for you in the darkness! Only pain. Only misery,” he beseeches her. 

Her eyes flash with acute pain, “I found only pain and misery in the light. You made sure of that.” 

Her words cut him and he lets his guard down. MJ uses his weakness to propel him back with the force. And he falls to his knees, awaiting his certain execution. She holds him down with a force grip and parades over to him with her lightsaber held firm in her grip. 

He tilts his chin up to look at her, “Do it. End it.” 

Her palm twitches and for a moment he believes she really will run him through. She believes it, too. She raises her lightsaber, aimed to strike. He does not close his eyes. He looks up at her. If he is to die he will do it with his eyes wide open. 

Yet, they do not stare at each other or glare…they _gaze_. 

She lowers her head and kisses him, hard. He short-circuits like some half-rate droid. Peter is filled with peace. He barely gets to indulge in it before she is rushing back to her ship. He feels her hold of the force on him release. 

She calls to him as the doors close, “Only I get to kill you, _Jidai_. Only I.” 

It feels like writing in the stars. 

When they find Peter, he is still on his knees, his lightsaber lamely in his grip. Master Tony lowers himself to the ground and catches Peter’s unseeing face in his hands, “Peter? Are you with us?”

His eyes run with tears. He nods. 

He makes a solemn vow, “I started this war. I will find her again. And I will end it.” 

* * *

The End:

The force shakes with a fury when she feels him slip away. 

MJ screams. 

And her screams sweep across the battlefield into a rippling surge of power killing without impunity. Darksiders. Lightsiders. All is death. She kills them all.

And after, there is balance. No light. No dark. Only peace.

Just as he promised. 


End file.
